2014

2014 by far, has been the worst year for me, for my parents, my siblings. i dont know how things went out so stupidly terrible but things happened. my parents got divorced. i myself heard how my dad wanted to talk about it with mom but she refused and how dad let her go (divorce her) 

i guess my baby sister heard it too. at that moment i just dont know what to feel, how to react and what to say. i got so confused that i barely even know who my parents are. i mean, what happened to them? how could things turned up so fucking damn bad? 

then my dad move out from that house. i watched he packed his things and how he walked away. 

months after that, i realized that this is the best for mom, for everyone. i hate to say this but things were bad when my dad was around. but fuck yeah who the hell wants two addresses? who the hell wants to celebrate raya in two different places? who the hell wants to hear mom asks to visit dad often? 

but we survived. and even if things will become worst again, we will survive. 

then i heard about dad's getting married again. thats when i really dont know what to feel. i wanna feel hurt, but i think that if he wants it, then it's his choice. he's... lonely. 

but then again, i thought that, am i supposed to go? to his wedding? how could i go? how could i watch my dad getting married to the woman i dont know? to the woman who has children? what will they feel? are they gonna feel hurt, too? how shall i react? what would mom feels?
18 years of living i never thought i would be thinking about this.

come to think of it again, i actually dont care anymore. i feel like just following the flow. i'll do whatever i have to do.

maybe bcs i just dont know what else to do.